he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And then my night got REAL pukey
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
