Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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