Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
