Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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