Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
