No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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