I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
