I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
