Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
