We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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