Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
