I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
