if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
