C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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