Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
