he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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