He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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