Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
