Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
