you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
