Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
