She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
