dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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