No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
