i think my tv is drunk
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
