They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
