If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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