I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
