Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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