You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
