McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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