Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
