oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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