So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
