i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
