And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
