guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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