I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
