i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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