I faked an abortion last night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
