How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
