Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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