You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Boobs are out for the taking
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
