He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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