If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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