I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
