the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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