well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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