Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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