There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
