have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
