I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
